Me Importa

My god, I actually care.

But I cannot,
I must not,
Because I don’t even understand myself–
I am dead, I have nowhere to go,
I am stuck in a leisurely pace,
I have nowhere to go.

But I–
I don’t know,
I’m not supposed to say this,
Not allowed to feel this.

But god, I do care,
I do care about you.

But I cannot,
I must not,
Because I am nothing—
And you have so much to go,
So far to go.

And I am a dead weight.
With no plans, no dreams, no future,
Just a lurker in the present.

My god, I do care,
But I can’t.

It pains,
To want but cannot,
A self-imposed rule, I should say,
But a rule nonetheless.

To hurt no one
By being unhappy.

But my god,
Do I care.