White-hot

Who would’ve thought love could be a white-hot pain in the chest
A pit in the stomach
And choking back tears.

The pounding won’t stop
The beast in my heart
Growling louder, heavier.
And it lurches
As tears flow slowly

And there’s something in my throat.

The fire, it’s back
And it clutches my fragile heart,
It hurts.

And my hands are numb
My toes are cold.

Everything’s dead
But the fire in my heart
Soon to consume me.

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Hold her hand, tight
And when things get tough,
Hold her tighter.

Hold her, don’t let go
Only to come back again,
Don’t do that to her.

Hold her, at night
When she can utter the words right,
Don’t let her cry herself to sleep —

Hold her.

Keep her,
And when things go rough
Always see the reason to keep her.

Keep her, don’t let go
Only to see if she’d take you back,
Don’t do that to her.

Keep her, day and night,
When you think she’s difficult,  and so are you —

Keep her.

Love her, right
Love her more than you loved me,
More than you ever will.

Lover her, don’t let go,
Like how you pulled me out of the dark,
Love her.

Love her,
Make sure she knows it,
Love her the way she is, not how she measures against others, just —

Love her.

Choose her, always
Choose her as much as you want her to choose you,
Choose her.

Choose her,
But never make yourself a choice,
Choose her.

Choose her,
The way the sun chooses to shine in the east,
Always, and warm, comforting and sure–

Choose her.

This is Why We Broke Up

This is why we broke up.
Not because of distance,
Or time,
Or the distance between our times,
It was more than than–
It was that you came and went far too many times,
And I, always welcoming, let you in.

 

 
It was that I let you in far too many times,
That I forgot how you leaving wounded me too deeply,
How I willing I was to be wounded, thinking
It was the price to pay to be with you.

 

 
It was that I got wounded deeply, far too many times
That I forgot how to trust you lovingly,
That I take you in, half thinking,
Wondering when you’re leaving, again,
And if you do,
Would it be for good?
If not, when are you coming back?

 

 

It was that you think you’re unworthy
Regardless of what I say
Regardless of what I do
Regardless of how much I wanted you to stay.

 

 

It was that you think you’d disappoint me
Until I told you nothing else mattered then,
If I could be with you–
That’s when you realized, it never mattered
Long as you could be with me.

 

 

But it’s too late now,
We’re past that now, or so we say
We have surrendered, you and I
Burned out too quickly when we were young and foolish,
Got hurt too much when we were brave and fearless.

 

 

It’s too late now,
For you have pushed away me far too much,
Far too many times,
And I could not choose you,
When you give me away.

 

What is it now, then?
What are we now, then?
When there is this love we cannot abandon,
When we cannot act for we do not know what we want–

 

 

This is why we broke up.

 

This Time

Let’s try this again.
One more try.
And this time,
At the same time,
Let’s both let go.
Let’s both move on.
Let’s both forget.

 

Let’s both accept
What cannot be
Means not what could’ve been;
What cannot be
Means not what should’ve been.

 

Let’s both remember
That what we had before
Was just right at that time,
And it was our wrong to think
It would ever be enough.

 

Let’s both forget
What we both hoped and dreamt;
What we both said and felt.
As they are nothing but dead wishes now,
One we must bury, but can’t.
One that must have been, but can’t.

 

Maybe it was frustration, love
Distance too, and time;
Fate has not been kind to us,
For it allowed to meet
What cannot be.
Fate has not been kind to us,
For it let us love
Whom we cannot meet.

 

Let’s try this again,
Together
At the same moment.
Forgive our misgivings,
Forget our feelings.

 

Let’s try this again,
Together.

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I told you
I would’ve waited
I could’ve waited.
No need to rush,
I will wait, hush-
You swore promises
You broke too soon,
A little too much.

 

I told you
What we would’ve been
What we could’ve been.
No need to rush,
I will wait, hush-
You gave up,
Gave up too soon,
A little too much.

 

I told you
I keep telling you, keep telling myself,
The could haves and would haves-
They probably aren’t should haves.
Not here, not now.

 

I told you
I am not for you
As much as you are not for me,
But you know ’tis a lie.
You know I meant none of it;
Just a lie I tell us
To make it a little better,
As much as you lie
That my happiness is yours, too
And nothing else.

 

I told you.
Go see others.
You probably are.
And it hurts.

 

I told you.
Be happy, without me.
You probably are.
And it hurts.

 

I told you.

And yet here we stand.
At each other’s end of the rope–
Unmoving, unable, unresolved
To let go, to leave things be
To accept the finality of this act
To accept the truth of this farce that is
Our lives intertwined–
“Why?” I asked you,
“What have we gotten ourselves into?”

 

And yet here we stand.
The crossroads we probably crossed too fast
The dilemma we chose to answer in haste,
This– whatever this is,
And the fact that we pretend that we are happy
With each other’s supposed happiness.

 

And yet here we stand.
I, in the comfort of his arms, knowing this is where I should be–
You, within her reach, thinking you made the right and the wrong choice at the same time,
Asking me to be happy so you’d be happy,
WHY?
So you could be the martyr and I, the heartless one?
So I could feel the guilt of choosing when you yourself had given up on choosing?
WHY?

 

And yet here we stand.
AND YET HERE WE STAND.
But, WHY?

 

You knew I would’ve stayed,
Had you asked me to.
You know I would’ve done it,
Without regrets, too.

 

But why, must we stand here?
When you could just walk away?
When we both could just walk away?
Why?