In Case You Read This.

I need you to love me
When I cannot love myself,
With what I have done,
With what I have been doing–
This, all my life,
My life
It’s just too much sometimes,
That I have to do a million things at once
To forget what I should have done,
What I shouldn’t have done.

I need you to forgive me
When I cannot forgive myself,
With what I have done,
With what I never did,
With all the instances I let myself down–
This, and everything,
It’s just too much at times,
Too much that I do not know what I’m doing
If it is the right thing,
If it is anything at all.

I need you to hold me
When I cannot live with myself,
When a part of me hates
That part of me that loves
That part of me that hates.

I need you to talk to me
When all I do is listen
To the voices in my head,
To the voices of the dead,
I never hear them, of course,
But I know they are there,
At the back of my mind,
Poking me carefully,
To see if I’m still me.

I’m sorry,
It’s just too much to ask, I know–
Probably unfair, this, you do not deserve,
But–
You’re the only one I’d choose,
Each and every time,
To do these in my stead,
When I cannot love myself,
When I cannot forgive myself,
When I cannot live with myself.

It really is probably too much,
I’m sorry.
I’m writing this here because I trust
That you’d see this somehow,
If you wanted to,
If you were meant to.

Time is running,
The mundane reality, it’s calling me.
Please do visit again,
Into my mind, if you please.
Please stay awhile,
If you please.
Please.

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