Lights On/Off

I made my way.
The lights are out.
So I trudged carefully
Not to slip and fall.
I always forget.
To turn the lights on
Before I leave.

I’ll make my way.
The lights will be on.
It wouldn’t be hard
No reason
To trip and fall.
And by that time
I wont forget
To turn the light on
To wait for me.

And I’ll lie awake
Thinking
What brand of solitude I prefer–
The one hard for the eyes
For I’m still learning the ways,
Or the one easy for the eyes,
For I’ve grown used to it.
Which brand is sadder?
Which brand’s a bit better?
Which brand’s less bitter?
Which brand’s worth the suffer?

s p a c e s inourbeds.

It’s so close
I can almost touch it
Feel it
Til I reach out
At the empty space in my bed
Where I thought you would be.
And you did too–
In your own head.
In your own bed.

We know both
What this is worth.
We know both
Nothing else compares
To what we try to achieve
Nothing else matters
But this thing we want to keep.

We’ll keep it alive
For it keeps us alive.
We will thrive
For we need it to survive.

Til one day
I spead my arms
And you, yours,
And our hands will interlock
And the only spaces
Are those around us
And nothing in-between.

271114

It pains me.
To see those words in printed form
For all the world to see
What you told me
What echoes in my mind.
Knowing.
I’m part of it, somehow.
Knowing.
It is your battle,
And I cannot lose on purpose
Just so you can win.
Knowing.
I cannot undo myself,
And tie myself back to the reins of my shadowed past,
Just so you can escape
The clutches of your heart strings
And the cobwebs in your mind–
The clutter that is the polished version of me.
The image that you need to bury,
Just so you can exhume yourself.

Dare

It’s a declaration.
A dare.
To put your heart on the table,
As I did with mine.
And with furrowed brows I waited.
Are you stalling?
Preoccupied?
Hesitant?

And like a ticking time bomb
My heart beats
Faster
And
Faster
And s l o w e r til I give up
And waited
.
.
.
.
.
For the impeding doom.
That a good bye lies on the table
Where your heart should be
And you didn’t keep your promise,
Not for the second time
Knowing
You’re the first and only one
To get a second try.

Flash right back to now.
I count my breaths
I listen to my hearbeat.
I looked at the table.
The furrowed brows melted
Into a face touched by honesty
And faith
And trust–
Your heart lies
Next to mine,
And they’re smiling both.
We’re smiling both.

In Secret Places

It’s all in my head
And yours;
Shared memories
In private boxes of words
And bubbles of thoughts.

It’s only you who can disprove me
And in doing so
You’d call yourself a liar
And a traitor
But you wouldn’t.
I hope.

It hurts
When you say
You hope it’s real–
What do you mean?
That is isn’t?
That it wasn’t?

This is our secret place
Intangible
Corruptible
Vulnerable and fragile
But it isn’t–
I believe so,
If we believe so.

This is our secret place.
Where everything
IS real.
The plane where
We touch the deepest parts of our own
With hidden faces,
And hearts exposed.

This is our secret place.

Real

It’s all in my head
And yours;
And none of these was witnessed
By the eyes of the universe.

But there are words
Cries
Laughter
Sighs–
So how can it be unreal?

Yes our paths have never crossed,
At least the ones we have to walk on,
But the heart of all these paths
Is where our hands had touched.

So tell me,
If this isn’t real,
What is?

Balloon

Balloon
Hanging on the ceiling
Plump and fragile
Bobbing up and down
Moving to the whims
Of the gusty wind.
Will you pop it
And let all come out
Til it deflates
Like my heart,
Like me.
Or keep it
With you
Near you
And take it as your own?

Balloon
Floating mid air
With no direction of its own.
Will you watch it float away
To wherever it may go,
Alone,
Unknown,
Or pull all the strings attached
And tie it to your hands
So your fingers will point
Where it goes
Always.

Balloon
Never self sustaining.
Will you leave it be
Til all air escapes
Leaving it sad
Like a dried up apple
Or breathe air into it
Whenever it needs
Whenever you can
From your lungs
To its chambers
A part of you
Perpetually kept
For all eternity.

Balloon.