And Ingrid Michaelson says that “all I can do is keep breathing”

i just need to get this off my chest.

There are times when you just suddenly stop midway of saying a stupid joke, only to suddenly, unexplicably, realize and feel like YOU are outside yourself, or your mind. A brief feeling of complete dissociation from yourself, until within a snap of a finger, questions begin pooling in–who are you? is this really you? whose body is this? are you sure this is yours? if it is, then why do you feel dissociated? Then you’d get  scared with all the questions you can’t answer, or probably because you are also terrified if there is actually an answer to that, and so you realize that you’ve been dumped into another momentary trance of questions and deep philosophical musings. But you’d get weirded out, because it really is terrifying to experience that, right in the middle of reaching out for your second serving of vanilla ice cream.

There are also times that you’d feel like you do not live in this world. Or that this isn’t the same platform where your mind lives in, or that you see things differently, or that somehow, there is a great disconnect between you and your surrounding. And it is terrifying, one because you do not know if this is a common phenomenon for everyone, or if this makes you slightly insane, or if this really proves your frail grasp of reality. Two, because it is terrifying to tell this to anyone because you aren’t even sure if you’d be taken seriously, or if they’d think you’re kinda smug or feeling superior over everyone else. Also, being 20 does not help because they’d think you’re a self absorbed individual who believes that you’re above others, that you are a deep individual (and many people correlate that to age, and that sucks) who must be separated from the rest because your mind is probably contemplating on the frailty of human existence while others are…well…doing stuff your age usually do (and if anyone misinterprets that into thinking that I’m an intellectual elitist, sorry to disappoint you, but I just have a certain affinity to sarcasm, and you don’t have to be a genius to underestand one).

Now that I’ve aired out my weird mind and the reasons why I suddenly stop doing anything, like eating, I’m gonna shut up now and go back to the song I’m writing. I even forgot that I had a soundcloud account since Septemberlast year, until now. Good job, brain.


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