Why Do I Remember You?

Why do I remember you?
At the very first note of this song,
At its very beat, fast and strong,
Why do I miss you– is this wrong?

Why do I remember you?
And the briefest time I meant something to you,
And you to me,
Why do I long for you?

Why do I remember you?
And the longest time I was lost from you,
But you, never from me,
Why do I write about you?

Why do I remember you?
And the mediocre hopes I had, you had,
And both of us having none of it,
Why don’t I let you know?

Why won’t you let me know?

Our Woven Existence

Our woven existence,
Each other’s names etched on our souls
The tides that come and go as it pleases,
Bringing pieces of ourselves to places we’ve never been to.

Our woven existence
Each other’s stories living in our dreams
The wind that blows from you to me, and back
Carrying whispered words we’ve always yearned of uttering.

Our woven existence
Each other’s laughters diluted in our tears
The shadows overlapping with light and darkness
Casting our eyes upon things we never dreamed of seeing.

Amnesia

Oh how easily you forget.
How we once knew each other,
How you once know me,
And now you don’t.

Oh how easily you forget.
That we once were friends,
Or maybe I thought we were,
And you never thought so.

Oh how easily you forget.
That we once talked a lot,
And that now that all else’s silence,
Then so is my existence.

✓Seen

You asked.
And I answered.
And I put my heart out, in plain sight–
No response.

You asked.
And I answered.
And I remained suspended, waiting to hear back–
No response.

You asked.
And I answered.
And now I’m writing a verse of frantic words–
No response.

You asked.
And I answered.
And now I’m reminded of the promise that you’ll be here, regardless-
No response.

Your are, and n…

Your are, and never will be in complete agreement with the world, as the world is never in complete agreement with everyone, and you with yourself.

I never was, and never will be. And now I don’t even know if I should still speak up or just live inside my head. I no longer know if it’s still worth the effort, worth the pain. I have to confess that I am at one of my lowest point in life, once again (I don’t know how low it could ever get) and it’s just that this is the only way for me to exhaust each and every thought that kill me slowly inside.

PS. Poetry, please come back. Bring your friend music along.

Today You Showed Your Eyes

I’ve always held my breath
Whenever I see your name
But today, something has changed:
Today you showed your face.

Today you showed your eyes
And the way they smile with your lips,
Today you showed no lies,
The whole you, down to the tips.

Today you showed your eyes
And the way they crinkle with your nose,
Today I saw where your soul resides,
That moment I was happiest, but no one knows.

Today you showed your eyes
And the way they move with your hands,
Today you showed where your true self hides,
The one-almost-fantasy where reality hopes to land.

Today you showed your eyes
And the way they shift with your words,
Today I showed you mine,
But never the me, with you in my works.

Today you showed your eyes
And the way they close when you breathe,
Today you showed another reason to be mesmerized,
And add another smile to my wreath.

Today you showed your eyes.

A Letter To Myself

A Letter To Myself

A Letter To Myself

21 March 2014

Dear Andy,

Unlike common letters of encouragement to one’s self, this was not written on your good day. It was, in fact, written on probably one of your worst.

Okay. Breathe in as much air as you can. And then, very slowly breathe out. Better?

Two nights ago, you cried your eyes out AGAIN. And as expected, the next morning, you had your puffy eyes and the “headache of the century.” Took you one whole day to sleep that one off, huh?

Well, just as you were cooking dinner a while ago, you felt like crying again. But you wanted to keep it together this time. You wouldn’t want another nasty headache.

This is basically it. Every once in a while, something throws you off the grid, but we have to learn to keep it together, ok?

Shut off every single nasty memory in your mind right now. The hurtful words before are long gone. And it won’t help remembering them. And yes, I understand that they don’t come out on your will, they just bubble up on their own, and it’s frustrating, but we can’t get stuck right there, can we?

Remember the fun stuff that make you smile. Those times when you really laughed out loud. When stayed up late to keep you company. To avoid you from thinking too much.

Re-read chat boxes and conversations if you must. It’s totally ok. Better? Good.

These days, your nape would also probably ache a lot. Can’t look at people in the eyes? Can’t keep your head up?

Think of all the poems that you’ve written. Some people even liked it. Some people find your voice nice. You highly doubt your abilities, but at the very least, you managed to discover the things that make you feel good. And that’s awesome!

Think of all those who’ve put up with you. Gotta give them credit for that. Yup. You know they deserve it. Because you can be quite a handful. A frustration even. Butsome stick with you, and that’s a lot to be thankful for. You are loved.

Next, let go of the hate. Please. This is very hard to do, but you can do it. Little by little. Day by day.

Forgive yourself. Don’t always blame yourself for things you know you aren’t responsible for.

Celebrate small things. Got out of bed today? Good. Shook of a nasty thought? Good. Music may come back a little late again, but it’s ok. It’ll come back. You know your voice will come back when it’s time. Just so you wait.

Listen to feel good music. Remember when you listened to Dont Stop by Foster the People for hours so you would feel better? Because you didn’t want to cry? How about that time you listened to Stop Crying Your Heart Out while ironically, you were crying more in every loop in makes? Or when you re-discover long hidden songs in your 500+ collection of songs? That’s kinda cool too.

Just find a comfortable place to be in. Read this or a book while listening to music. And every few minutes, stop reading, lean back, close your eyes and just listen to every word on the song. Breath slowly.

Also, drink water. Plenty of water. You tend to neglect water on your bad days. Don’t. It’ll make you feel worse, and the last thing that you would want right now is a physically ill body.

*Think of happy thoughts. Think of happy thoughts*

You need to be above this. You need to regain control of your own mind. When bad thoughts come in, shake your head off. You know it helps. And think of something funny. Or do something. Anything. Distract yourself. Like writing a letter to your future self. It’s been a very effective distraction, I tell you.

Get out of bed. Take a refreshing shower. Get out. Keep your music on. Walk outside. You don’t have to do anything. Just go out. The sun is right outside, and it’s for everyone. Sometimes your curtains are too tight so the light can come in, or maybe your window is too small, but when that happens, you have to know that you have to get out there to get the light you need.

Get out there. Live outside your head. Write. Play the guitar. Sing. Draw. Sing in the shower. Do whatever. Visit your friends. Turn your music on and dance a bit. Stretch a little.

Days like this one you are in right now, you have to keep it together. Survive on day at a time. Breathe slowly and try to smile. Try not to cry a lot.

You can go through this. You can. You know you can, you will, and that there is no other way.