A Letter To Myself
21 March 2014
Unlike common letters of encouragement to one’s self, this was not written on your good day. It was, in fact, written on probably one of your worst.
Okay. Breathe in as much air as you can. And then, very slowly breathe out. Better?
Two nights ago, you cried your eyes out AGAIN. And as expected, the next morning, you had your puffy eyes and the “headache of the century.” Took you one whole day to sleep that one off, huh?
Well, just as you were cooking dinner a while ago, you felt like crying again. But you wanted to keep it together this time. You wouldn’t want another nasty headache.
This is basically it. Every once in a while, something throws you off the grid, but we have to learn to keep it together, ok?
Shut off every single nasty memory in your mind right now. The hurtful words before are long gone. And it won’t help remembering them. And yes, I understand that they don’t come out on your will, they just bubble up on their own, and it’s frustrating, but we can’t get stuck right there, can we?
Remember the fun stuff that make you smile. Those times when you really laughed out loud. When stayed up late to keep you company. To avoid you from thinking too much.
Re-read chat boxes and conversations if you must. It’s totally ok. Better? Good.
These days, your nape would also probably ache a lot. Can’t look at people in the eyes? Can’t keep your head up?
Think of all the poems that you’ve written. Some people even liked it. Some people find your voice nice. You highly doubt your abilities, but at the very least, you managed to discover the things that make you feel good. And that’s awesome!
Think of all those who’ve put up with you. Gotta give them credit for that. Yup. You know they deserve it. Because you can be quite a handful. A frustration even. Butsome stick with you, and that’s a lot to be thankful for. You are loved.
Next, let go of the hate. Please. This is very hard to do, but you can do it. Little by little. Day by day.
Forgive yourself. Don’t always blame yourself for things you know you aren’t responsible for.
Celebrate small things. Got out of bed today? Good. Shook of a nasty thought? Good. Music may come back a little late again, but it’s ok. It’ll come back. You know your voice will come back when it’s time. Just so you wait.
Listen to feel good music. Remember when you listened to Dont Stop by Foster the People for hours so you would feel better? Because you didn’t want to cry? How about that time you listened to Stop Crying Your Heart Out while ironically, you were crying more in every loop in makes? Or when you re-discover long hidden songs in your 500+ collection of songs? That’s kinda cool too.
Just find a comfortable place to be in. Read this or a book while listening to music. And every few minutes, stop reading, lean back, close your eyes and just listen to every word on the song. Breath slowly.
Also, drink water. Plenty of water. You tend to neglect water on your bad days. Don’t. It’ll make you feel worse, and the last thing that you would want right now is a physically ill body.
*Think of happy thoughts. Think of happy thoughts*
You need to be above this. You need to regain control of your own mind. When bad thoughts come in, shake your head off. You know it helps. And think of something funny. Or do something. Anything. Distract yourself. Like writing a letter to your future self. It’s been a very effective distraction, I tell you.
Get out of bed. Take a refreshing shower. Get out. Keep your music on. Walk outside. You don’t have to do anything. Just go out. The sun is right outside, and it’s for everyone. Sometimes your curtains are too tight so the light can come in, or maybe your window is too small, but when that happens, you have to know that you have to get out there to get the light you need.
Get out there. Live outside your head. Write. Play the guitar. Sing. Draw. Sing in the shower. Do whatever. Visit your friends. Turn your music on and dance a bit. Stretch a little.
Days like this one you are in right now, you have to keep it together. Survive on day at a time. Breathe slowly and try to smile. Try not to cry a lot.
You can go through this. You can. You know you can, you will, and that there is no other way.