It’s A Certain Sort of Sadness

It’s a certain sort of sadness
That wells up inside–
Here now; gone tomorrow,
And here again unannounced.

It’s a certain sort of sadness
That all I could do is stare–
Wonder why, and how,
Is there something I found wanting?

It’s a certain sort of sadness
That fills my palm with pain of loss–
A stab to the heart and numbness down my feet,
Will I ever get used to it?

It’s a certain sort of sadness
That I’ll never quite get fond of–
Not the kind that makes me seek solitude,
Recourse or rest.

It’s a certain sort of sadness
That sends chills down my arms–
A coldness in my core,
A flame burning in my heart.

It’s a certain sort of sadness
That fills me with nothingness–
Not choler, or ire,
Not melancholy, or despait.

It’s a certain sort of sadness.

Ikaw ay Ako sa Kanya

Ikaw ay ako sa kanya.
Siya ay ako sa iyo.
Kung mayroon mang dapat aminin,
Yun ay di ko alam ang gagawin.

Siya sa akin ay siya sa iyo.
Siya sa iyo ay siya sa akin.
Laging nagbabaka-sakali,
Pabalik balik, parang kalye.

Ikaw ay ikaw,
At ako ay ako.
Noon ay may kami,
Mayroong kayo.
Nagkaroon ng tayo.
At kayo. At kami.

Wala na tayo.
Wala nang tayo.
Sino ba naman ako?

Siya ay hindi ako.
Siya ay hindi ikaw.
Titigilan ko na ito,
Tutal, nauna ka namang bumitaw.

1948

I could turn days into weeks into months
But when I see your name,
Why do I still care?

I could turn memories into stories into verses
But when I see your trace,
Why does it still ache?

I couls weave pain into words into poems
But when I notice your absence,
Why does it still hurt?

Nothing Hurts

Nothing hurts.
Nothing.
A hollow pit in my chest,
Paralyzing my palms;
Nothing hurts.

Nothing hurts.
Nothing.
A vast emptiness in my core,
A chasm beneath my feet.
Nothing hurts.

Nothing hurts.

Closure.

I’m running away
And I’m not gonna miss you.

I’m forgetting the way
You fondly play with my hair
And how you smile as you sigh
With the warmth in your eyes
And how they twinkle like stars in the night.

I’m forgetting the way
You called my name
And said that you needed me
How you told me unspeakable thoughts
You’d never dare tell a soul.

I’m forgetting the way
I forgave what you did
Hoping things’ll be better off
If I could be strong for the both of us
As long as I have you with me.

I’m forgetting the way
I shoved her name behind my mind
Because I wanted to believe that I am enough
And I am the one you chose.

I’m forgetting the way
You forget about me
And push me away with your silence
Knowing it kills me the most.

I’m forgetting.

Do-si-do

Step forward as I pass you by
And you do the same.

A little closer.

Step backward as we get uncomfortably close,
Well never be the same.

Somehow farther.

You come back right when I’m about to go,
Always been this way.

Somewhat sad.

You step away before the music ends,
I waltz alone.

Somehow graceful,
Somehow fine.

We’re A Love That’s Dead

We are a love that’s dead.
Like a dried up leaf
Clinging onto its twig,
Fluttering with the wind.

 

We are a love that’s dead.
A pretty picture in faded colors,
Paint chipping slowly
Alone on the bare wall of the room.

 

We’re a love that’s dead.
A run in the seams,
Knots of thread rounded up in a ball
In nervous anticipation.

 

We’re a love that’s dead.
A boxful of treats a day too old,
Paired with a yellowing rose,
On a dusty shelf in a locked room with no keys.

 

We’re a love that’s dead.
Honey, are we a love that’s dead?
I’ll keep holding on,
Tell me I’m wrong.