Perhaps You

Perhaps you
   Are the one to end it all:
   The days of hopeless longing
   For something that’ll never come.

Perhaps you
   Are the one to start it all:
   The blissful days worth remembering,
   That time you came along.

Perhaps you
   Would be the end of it
   The endless thoughts in my mind
   Thinly veiled by a mask of lines.

Perhaps you
   Would be the start of it
   Of better lines, of better lives,
   Or perhaps the belief on something divine.

Perhaps you
   Are the one to see the one I’ve become
   The flawed one, the scarred one.
   Maybe, you are the one.

On Gratitude

Sometimes I forget
That the sun rises for me too
As it does for the one I loved.

Sometimes I forget
That the universe is made up
Of the same dust as I am.

Sometimes I forget
That people need other’s light
And so do I.

Sometimes I forget
So thank you.

Thank you for reminding me.
Thank I too, am special,
Worth waking up to,
Worth talking to,
Worth spending time with.

Thank you for reminding me.
Thank I too, am human,
Fallible and imperfect,
And I cannot give all
Without a smile back to me at the very least,
A small nod
To know that you know that I exist.

Thank you for reminding me
That I too, am worthy
Of all the beauty I’d wish for everyone
Of the goodness I’d willingly give to anyone.

III

I could have given you all–
All the time you needed,
All the chances you needed,
All the choices you needed.

And I did.

And perhaps in doing so,
You forgot to use your time,
You forgot to use your chances,
You forgot to use your choices.

In doing so,
We forgot that I am only human,
That I can only do as much,
Understand as much,
Hurt as much,
Endure as much.

I would have given you all–
All that you needed,
All that you wanted,
All that’s in between.

And perhaps in doing so,
You forgot what you needed,
You forgot what you wanted,
And I’m left in between.

I should’ve said no–
No, the second time,
No, the third time,
But I didn’t.

But now it is I who’s saying goodbye.
It is i who’s ending it all.
And this time there’s no turning back,
Because this is me.
Perhaps to a fault
Not to come back to you
Not because I don’t love you
But because you don’t love me enough.

Not enough to make you stay.
Not enough to make you believe.
Not enough to make you look past the differences.
Not enough for you.

On Solitude, Bravery, and Fear

I’m in the chasms of my solitude,
Finding peace myself,
With myself,
For myself.

But the chasms had grown deeper,
Hollowed wider,
Colder,
Darker.

And I am afraid that I’m sinking deeper,
Descending farther,
Braver,
Lonelier.

Oh yes, I am terrified,
By my own courage,
That I might think I can make it
On my own,
For my own.

I am terrified,
That in knowing so,
Doing so,
I’ll never go out,
Never let anyone in.

I am terrified,
That in doing so,
I’ll find contentment
On the idyllic tides inside my mind,
That I’d cut the cords
Of those who try to get it
And take me out.

That I’d snuff the fire
Of those who bring candles
To give me light.

For the first time in my life,
I am afraid
Of my own bravery.
Such contradiction exists,
More dangerous so,
That I find it hard to resist.

Don’t Call Me A Hero

Don’t call me a hero,
For I can’t even save myself.
Just another faceless stranger,
A little too naive and optimistic.

Don’t call me a hero,
For I can’t even defend myself.
Just another disembodied voice,
A little too caring, idealistic.

Don’t call me a hero,
For I can’t even find myself,
Just another speck of dust,
A little too hopeful and trusting.

Don’t call me a hero,
For I am not one.
Just another passerby,
A little too hurt, yet blissful.

Nada

A single heartbeat
From the heart, shot up through the arms,
Straight to the palm.
A sensation
Of falling,
Of losing grip,
Of losing,
Of no control.

Falling. Drowning.
On words of faceless strangers.
To drown out my thoughts.
To forget what they brought.
To forget the need to feel.
To forget the need.
To forget to feel.

The hysteria of the senseless.
The screams, tears, and laughter.
The empty words, light as dust.
Embrace my mind
Away from thoughts
Away from feeling
Away from living.
Keep it masked
From the truth that is a lie,
From a lie you want as truth.

The empty.
The void.
It has never been so endearing,
So inviting, so comforting.
It has never called to me
So much that I had banished
Traces of this world
While I am in it.