Perhaps.

Perhaps it isn’t true,
But what if it is?
And the only way to know
Is to see it through.

Perhaps I’m playing deaf,
So what if I am?
There’s only one way to know–
Let me see it for myself.

Perhaps I’m closing my eyes,
So what if I do?
Just let the hearts speak,
And discern all “lies.”

Perhaps I’m a fool,
And maybe I am.
But I have my own life to live,
I’m nobody’s tool.

TLDR

Turns out, you get an anniversary greeting from WordPress when you hit one year. Noob here.

Anyway, realizing that I’ve been here for a year made me look back and realize how far I’ve gone since a year had passed. I realized that I learned some things, and that these are the things that we always see or hear anywhere, but you’ll never truly understand them until you’ve experienced them yourself.

1. Being happy is a decision.
I used to whine about this. Why can’t I just be happy? Why do I have to decide to be happy? As it turns out, experiencing things makes someone think and feel deeper. It makes us more attached to things, and more affected by them. And so, whenever something happens and affects us negatively, we can’t be happy. But it shouldn’t end there. Everyone has the power to get up and decide to be happy. Sometimes it feels like you are a tree being uprooted from the ground, and it feels weird and unnatural, and you’d rather stay in the comfort of your misery because changes hurt and are hard. Sometimes it feels like you are trying too hard to even smile. Sometimea you hear your own voice saying you’re not fooling anyone. But the important thing is, do it anyway. Decide to be happy.  Decide to not get stressed by every little thing. Decide and understand that you may overthink a little, but that’s normal, then move on. Don’t stay where the bad thoughts are. Imagine how much you can do if you transfer all those energy you spend making yourself miserable into making yourself happy and better.

2. You have to make things happen for yourself.
The truth is, the world does not owe you anything. It is under no obligation to make life easy for you, or to leave you out of the nasty parts, so you can enjoy all the good stuff. But all’s fair since it applies to all. So you need to make things happen for yourself. You need to work for yourself. You need to make do with what you have. You need to push on, because if you don’t noone will do it for you. Yes, some people help  but all will be in vain if you don’t help yourself.

3. Smile at the world and the world smiles back at you.
The world in this part, as opposed to #2, is the world of people, and all the things we interact with. I remember greeting people before asking questions or anything, and if you do, they’ll be more accommodating. Courtesy goes a long way. Look at things in the positive light, and you’ll see things as good. Treat people respect, act repectfully, and they’ll do the same for you. Learn how to ask for help, and know when to give a hand.

4. Value relationships
Over the course of time, I lost and gained friends. And only time will tell who will stay and who will not. Of couse this means that we all are lost and found friends. Somebody lost us, in some way, which is humbling. But for the relationships that stay on, learn to appreciate them. I still feel weird talking about feelings and emotions with my bestfriend, but I’m sure we got each other’s backs. My sister and I are closer than ever, after we lost our dad. We lost are dad and it saddens me to remember, but I’m happy to say I made the most of our time together. Nothing lasts forever, so make sure every moment counts.

5. Take leaps of faith.
Most of the time, it’s scary. But once it works, it’s worth the scare. It’s wonderful. It’s good. Sometimes it feels like a jump into the void, but is there any way to know where it leads? Is it enough to live vicariously, afraid that something horrible might happen? Yes, something horrible might happen, but what if, in its place, something wonderful happens? It scares me, too, I admit. And most of the time, I’m unsure of what I’m doing, if I’m doing the right thing. However Letters from the Future ends, I’m going to see it through. Note: Take leaps of faith. Don’t jump into everything. Know the difference. I think some people call it calculated risk.  Probably, look it up first.

6. Don’t believe everything an internet post tells you.
As I always say, I know I am yet to experience a lot of things. I’m not yet near the end of my life (unless I die next week) or even half of it (unless I die at 40). So all these things are just my reflections in the things that I went through. It may or may not apply to you, dear reader who put up with my internet litter and managed to not give up reading this post. But more importantly, take time to reflect. Maybe you’d burrowed your face too much into the details that you forget to step back a little and look at the bigger picture. You’ll definitely have different observations and reflections, and that is awesome. Things like this, as I said, are not learned vicariously. So you must do it yourself. For yourself.

So to you who read all throughout, thank you very much. I don’t often upload lengthy post and I don’t expect people to read it, so your effort is much appreciated. I just feel like I need to share these things. And don’t we all? My infinite gratitude to you, and if you are in trouble as you are reading this, my heart goes out to you. QED.

When All.

When the anger that fuels the passion dies down,
When the boiling blood thickens so it can write no more,
I’d lie as the husk of my previous self,
Devoid of all words and ink,
Used up by flame that consumed my mind,
Hollowed up, with nothing behind.

When all hate leaves and nothing stays,
Not even one comes to replace,
I’d be lost with no purpose– what now?
Trapped in the limbo of my own making,
The mediocrity of the mind, and hypocrisy of the heart–
It leaves me hurting;
I’ll live hurting.

When all are but stories to tell someone,
A dismembered you, known by none,
It’ll be the air that makes you look back,
And the dark that’ll hide what you’ll never unpack.
And you’ll wish it’s over, but it isn’t.
Is it, or isn’t not?
I probably have missed it.

I Sometimes Wish

I sometimes wish to be
       the face behind your words,
The voice behind your smile,
And the thought that makes you look up the sky.

I sometimes wish to be
       the reason why you dream,
What you hold onto, to hope,
And the name you call to cope.

I sometimes wish to be
       all of these,
To be what I dream to be,
To be what you are to me.

I Salute You

If you got out of bed today,
     I salute you.
If you didn’t, but promise the next day,
     I salute you.
If you were up all night and cried,
     I salute you.
If in the morning your eyes are dry,
     I salute you.
If today you admit that you didn’t smile,
     I salute you.
If today you say tomorrow you’ll try,
     I salute you.
If you wrote or said what’s on your mind,
     I salute you.
If you close your eyes and wish things be fine,
     I salute you.
If you fell down and got back up to start,
     I salute you.
If you fell down and watched the stars,
     I salute you.

Explain to Me How

Explain to me how
     Falling asleep in your arms,
     My face buried in you,
     Safe from the cold,
     Are not enough to say I’m losing my mind.

Explain to me how
     Waking up to your face
     And your voice from my chest
     So sweet and kind
     Are not enough to say I’m losing my mind.

Explain to me how
     Crying my soul out
     And drying your tears dry
     When things go down and rise back up again
     Are not enough to say we’re losing our minds.

I can’t.  You can’t.  We can’t.

This is the End for Me

This is the end for me,
              my final stop.
The end for me, my ink’s
                     last drop.
As long as this fear lasts,
As well as the shadows of the past.
I hope to write of better things,
  of times with wind and wings.
I hope to think of better thoughts,
Forget them all– all those wrongs.
But words are tied to memories,
The ups and downs and tears and follies.
So maybe perhaps, I must say,
Whatever things are now, I must stay.